Soon To Be Flyin Again
“You shouldn’t move around so much. Did you know that take-offs and landings are the most dangerous parts of flying?” a nervous mother once told her giddy daughter as the plane began its ascent. Those nervous words have haunted me since.
I was born travelling. I was a fetus when my Mom took my brother to Disneyland for the very first time. Both my Mom and her sister worked for the airlines so we were regular travellers. It use to excite me a kid to watch the landscape become smaller and smaller until the clouds blocked my view from the oval plane window until it re-emerged again, every time different. That was until my fear of flying kicked in. I should have been used to travelling by plane, but what began as a few innocent words of a nervous parent trying to make her child behave morphed into a phobia.
Growing up I tried talking myself out of it, to be rational about it. Nevertheless, it was as if the phobia took on a life of its own. The symptoms emerged soon after: the sweating, the heart palpitations and the paralyzing fear. Since then, I dreaded getting inside a plane. A month before the trip I would make a futile attempt to talk my way out of it. A week before the day my hands would get all clammy and I would be short of breath at the thought of being airborne. A day before I would clam up and face borderline paralysis. I wouldn’t talk to anyone; I wouldnt even eat. On the plane itself I would c
url up into a ball, bury myself into any extra clothing i brought onto the plane with me and cringe as the plane sped up and began to take on air. But here is the important part: I still did it.
Masochistic as it may seem I still forced myself to travel. Even though riding planes was torture to me, knowing what lay a head as soon as the plane touched down gave me strength to go on board. As a kid my incentives for enduring a plane ride were meeting the fairytale princesses in Disneyland. As I grew older the would be replaced with the giddy anticipation of shopping in the states to find things I couldnt get at home. Never would I see or experience these by being stationed in my own home. Flying was a necessary evil.
Staying within our comfort zone makes us feel safe and secure. At home there is very little possibility of getting lost. We know the bad places to avoid, what to expect throughout the day, the places to find the best food or bargains. We deal with the same people everyday. We already know who to trust, who to be wary of and how to treat them. It’s like living in a fishbowl; predictable with little room for change or excitement. Some people are content with that and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. But for people who have seen and experienced a bigger world out there, the thought of living in that sort of monotony would just as well make them feel claustrophobic.
Staying put in one place without ever having to ride a plane again would be nice, yet knowing there are numerous surprises waiting outside is even more unbearable then the thought of flying. After all what is a few hours of enduring mental agony to gain an enriched life? So I chose to rise above my fear.
I still find myself closing my eyes and covering my ears during take offs out of habit. The fear never goes away but as the engine roars into life the planes wheels leave the runway I remind myself that the destination is going to be worth it. Gradually along the ride, I lean back and anticipate the adventures to come.
Back At Me
Starring back at me are fuller cheeks, more colour and just a plain healthier person inside and out. Someone who finally allowed herself to get well and live a healthy life. Starring back at me is someone with quiet confidence and something about that sparkle in her eyes that looks like racing stars. Small almond brown eyes with matching lashes and locks. Back to the roots of how I look. For once I am happy with what is starring back at me in that mirror. A glimpse of happiness and comfort in who I have become…
Hitting A Mark
In the past I have struggled with weight issues. I have no problem losing the weight that I put on but trying to put the meat on my bones has proven to be very difficult. I would say that my average weight within the last year was between 105 pounds to about 107 pounds and with me being 5′7 it does NOT look good. I don’t take pride in my small frame… actually very opposite! I take it to heart when someone says ewww your too skinny. I would like to know what posses someone to think that saying that to someone on the street is ok. I wouldn’t walk up to an extremely fat person and say Eww your too fat! It boggles my mind and I’m telling you now that the next person that says that I will turn around and tell them to skip a couple meals because they look like they could use it. I’m not trying to be mean… But I’m all about getting even! Anyways about the weight thing, I have managed to get myself to 113 pounds this week. That is my highest since I was probably 15. Sad hey!?
In grade eight I was weighing in at 135 pounds but you really couldn’t tell that I was that heavy and by grade nine I grew a little taller and lost a bit of my baby chubb but was still at a good 128 pounds. From there it was all down hill from drug abuse and lack of self-respect and me really not giving two shits if I hadn’t eaten that day. Now I am eating about 6 small meals a day trying to keep my metabolism strong in hopes that exercise won’t be needed. For me, it seems to be working! The only thing I wonder if it was all those candy bars over Halloween… I think I polished the whole box off in two nights. My skin always pays for what I eat not my ass.
Anyways I think Im on the right track and I need some chocolate.. gotta run!
As Honest As Possible
I like this article because it reeks a distinct smell of complete honesty. I like someone who doesn’t try to paint a perfect pretty picture of life when in reality the good parts are so few and far between. This is reality!
“We all have skeletons in the closet, but in our age, it seems like the more, the better. The idea is that the more tragic, pathetic and dramatic we become, the deeper and “more real” we are. Strange.”
“It works on television, and television-unreal as it is-has to be somewhat reflective of real life, doesn’t it? It seems that if we have problems, then we will be better able to accept a rescue-someone who can take us away from our horrid world and into the arms of love and life and fairytale nastiness. Or maybe we don’t want to be saved, but rather, we want to do the saving, so we find weirdos that have problems and make them our own personal mission project(s).”
To read the whole article Click on the link below:
Faking happiness or drama encourages depression, anxiety – Opinion
Halloween Isnt Like It Use To Be
It was October 31st tonight and we got maybe 35-40 kids trick-or-treating. I was shocked! First off this is one of the first years I have been at home for the trick-or-treaters but regardless of that my memories bring me back to a time when kids were everywhere on the streets. The tradition of door to door begging for candy I think is slowly diminishing to nothing.
Here at my house we were all home which is a change and kind of nice. My brother got the idea of dressing up in a Gorilla costume with the mask and gloves and sit outside with a bowl of candy in front of him saying help yourself. He wanted to play dead and then when the kids reach their hands in the bowl come to life and scare them. SERIOUSLY! He had this planned out for almost 3 weeks. Well a week later my dad suggested hanging a spider on fishing line over our awning and dropping it on people as they come in. I didn’t believe they would follow through but they sure did and it was entertaining. There were a few that were so memorable and seriously shocked when they saw the dead monkey move and a couple that literally dropped their candy and ran and didn’t come back. Of course my dad says well at least that’s more for us to eat. Yep my family is strange. Oh and I forgot to mention that we video recorded the whole thing and all sat and watched it laughing our asses off. Obviously we are easily entertained.
Oh how Halloween has changed. I remember the days of trick-or-treating till the pillow case I had was full and I couldnt carry it anymore. Then the days of mischeif and firecrackers and staying out late even if it was a school night. *sigh* Those were the days!
Here are a few of the snap shots from tonight
